Ohh, i must thank my lucky stars for letting me have a happy happy start of november. And till now, that is. My insomnia has been cured, i think. I no longer feel the urge to contemplate suicide (scary ideation, aint it?) and i am on the verge to free myself of my own depression. Counselling really helps i must say. And for once, ive finally figured out who i really am and what kind of person i have been all these while and what/who i want to be in the future. No more trying to do things to please people or whatever nonsense. Still forever the same crazy, fickle minded and sumpah tak betul mood swing nye perempuan, but i guess i have changed even for the teeniest bit. And despite the fact that many have claimed that i changed for the worse, i beg to differ to their thoughts. Like whatever.

Im currently on my first night, and its 3 hours into the shift and already im feeling tired, sleepy, my muscles are aching and i have a superrr irritable and painful sore throat. Talk about falling sick at the wrong time! Gawddd. But i guess i have myself to blame. Was on pm shift yesterday and ended pretty late all because of the stupid appraisal form that i had to redo. Rushed home, showered and met up with Lutfi. Headed to the beach for some therapeutic session and spent the entire night/morning with him. Had breakfast, went home, slept for THREE hours, got my working stuffs ready, headed to his place, then we headed out again for dinner, then its off to work. Fucking hectic larhh. And right now all i wanna do is to collapse on one of the empty beds and shut myself off from the world silly.

Gotta make it happen. I wish.

And i just realised that i have diverted the content of my blog to mostly myself, rather than to my initial intention of wanting to blog about Lutfi. Haahaa. Talk about attention deficit. Heh. Dont know if i should feel elated that im dating someone right now. Then again, looking at my history, Lutfi's probably just another passerby bound to leave after the honeymoon period ends. Or so i think. I dont see a need to please anyone right now. And to that particular person who thinks i change my guys too frequent and made a super insensitive comment the other day, i only have this to say; "what? youre fucking jealous arent you?". In your face, bitch!

And im off to have my food which Lutfi kindly bought for me just now. Double mushroom swiss heavy on the sauce, chocolates and strawberry milkshake, here i come. (: